I AM

I bought this beautiful print for my husband. Click on the image to go to the vendor. I don’t profit if you do, I just wanted to give you the option.

The lyrics of “Forever YHWH” by Elevation Worship filled the sanctuary last Sunday, and as I sang, I found myself struck by the weight of the names we were proclaiming. Adonai (Lord). Elohim (God). While there are endless charts and studies dedicated to the names of God, the one that arrested my heart was the simplest: “I AM.”

This name comes from Exodus 3. Moses encounters a bush that is burning but not consumed and approaches to investigate. God speaks to him from the fire, calling him to lead the Israelites out of slavery and into freedom. Moses, understandably hesitant, asks what he should say if the people ask who sent him.  God doesn't offer a long list of credentials.  Instead, God replies, “Tell them this: I AM has sent me to you.”

“I am” is a complete sentence. It contains both a subject and a verb. Normally, we add a description after it: I am tired. I am happy. I am Joe. But God adds nothing. The absence of a qualifier tells us everything. God is self-sufficient, self-sustaining, eternal. He simply is. Jesus echoes this truth in John 8:58 when He declares, “Before Abraham was born, I am.”

This name of God excites me. It is expansive and all-encompassing. God does not need the noun after the verb. Yet in our human, English-speaking minds, there is a blank after “AM” that we long to fill with whatever attribute of God we most need to cling to in the moment.

When we are ill, I AM Healer.
When we are grieving, I AM Comforter.
When we are lost, I AM Light in the Darkness.
I AM Provider.
I AM Miracle Worker.
I AM Strength and Shield.

But lately, my own "I ams" have felt much heavier.

The author worn out and asleep in the passenger seat.

I am tired.
I am busy.
I am frustrated.
I am overwhelmed.

I have more things to do than hours in my day. Our church is in the middle of 21 Days of Prayer and Fasting, and while the daily prayer service is powerful and meaningful, setting aside an hour each day stretches an already packed schedule. My husband and I are fasting certain things, and I desperately miss chocolate! I need to take the dog to the vet, but my truck has started grinding up its recently replaced transmission, and I can’t put the dog in the rental car.

My house is still unsettled now that the Christmas decorations are down. There are boxes of cookware on my kitchen floor waiting to be taken to the thrift store. I have my own medical appointments and others to take Mom to. The dishwasher randomly loses power and refuses to come back on until it feels like it, no matter how many times I flip the breaker, so I have to hand-wash dishes I normally just rinse and load. I need to add “find an electrician” to my to-do list. I am trying to learn Italian. And laundry. There is always laundry…

I find myself saying, I am at my limit.

In those moments, I realize I don't need to fill in the blank with my own efforts. I need the One who is already everything. I need peace, rest, and understanding. What a blessing it is to stop the frantic "doing," kneel at His feet, and simply rest in the presence and love of I AM.

*To ease confusion for local friends, this was written 1/20 during 21 Days of Prayer. I’m only now getting it posted! I’ll do better!